Well , there is a long story behind this "story" actually... I have been thru a lot up until now ...
And now is the most crucial time in my life... And I don't think I am strong enuff to go thru this ...Without friends I might go crazy a long time ago and without my beliefs I would have jumped the building also...
Today I have to make a very hard decision to send my Aqeef to government school... people may say what/s wrong with that? Everybody is doing that and you are lucky that your kid still manage to go to school ... YES! Alhamdulillah I am still lucky ... but My Aqeef is a very special boy.
Here is my story.. I was diagnose with cancer in 2005 and while I was going thru my major operation in Selayang Hospital my husband is away in Sudan for work.
My kids are only 5 and 3 at that time. And I was in the hospital for about 2 weeks. And I was released from the hospital exactly on my 30th Birthday which is 27 December 2005 ... later that week I was confirmed by the doctor that I have Gastrointestinal Stromal Tumor (GIST) Stage 4 because it has gone to my liver and it is a very rare cancer which there is not a lot of research done about it. Hence there is no chemotherapy good enuff to cure the cancer. There is only one chemo drug which cost RM10,000 per month with 50-50 chance of cure. Seeing my kids so little made me so sad that I got major depression and had to take medication for that also.
After about a year of chemotherapy, my liver is enlarged and doctor said that the chemo is not working and I have to stop. I could try another type of chemo which is still under testing and not in Malaysia yet which cost RM25k per month in Singapore. I said that we don't have enuff money to proceed and the doctor said that I have 9 months to live if I don't take the chemo. My first financial crisis that I have in my married life. Look at my boys, I don't want to deprive them from any happiness because of my sickness.
After the news I was devastated and cried with my husband trying to find a way out of this. A few month past and ramadhan came and I was trying so hard to fulfill the fasting month.. I realized that I have not have my period during ramadhan and went for a check up. Subhanallah I was pregnant!!!! While counting the days towards my 9 months "life sentence" , a new life is being formed inside of me. But the happy news became a disaster after we talked to my oncologist. She said that being so close after my chemo, having a baby might have a serious impact on the baby or I might not get to term coz of my liver condition is really bad. She asked me to abort!
We met a few doctors and everyone said to abort, the risk is too high. But my personal doctor said, there must be a reason ALLAH gave me this baby at this time so embrace and tawakkal. I did that and Alhamdulillah we have a healthy baby boy. But at 3 years old, he doesn't mutter even 1 sound or even called mama. He doesn't interact or play with his brothers. Some doctor was saying he has autism and I was very worried that I bring him into this world just to leave him with all these problems to face alone while I am gone. Is it because I am stubborn having him while the doctors advice against it? We brought him to child phsycologist to get him checked and get proper treatment. They dis hearing test to make sure his hearing was okay. They did all kind of test and lastly the send him to speech therapy. And as soon as the therapist gave instruction in english, he responded! MasyaAllah I was so relieved and we took him for a few sessions and the therapist suggested that we send him for a play group. And Alhamdulillah to make long story short, we are able to communicate with him but only in English...
This is the only reason why I want the best for him and I don't want him to feel outcast. But I have done my best but truly it is not enuff. I just want the best for my kids.It's hard to be different... and that is not what he wanted... or what we made him... I want him to be happy while I am still here. Hopefully this is all for the best.
Hasbunallahwanikmalwaqeel...
Great!
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